Donnie King

I just finished a premarital counseling session.  The couple was like so many others that come in my office each year.  They are completely in love and so excited about their pending marriage.  I have to admit I am also excited for them, but I see things from a different perspective. 

Every couple that comes in for pre-marriage counseling is the same; they think their relationship is different than all the other couples.  Some have gone as far to say that they felt their marriage was invincible.  As I hear these couples talk about the strength of their relationship I am burdened because I know that there is another side to the story.  I know that they will face marital challenges that many couples don’t survive.  I do my best to unpack those challenges so at least they will be aware of them when (not if) they happen. 

How can a couple go from sitting in my office blissfully in love to bitter hatred of each other in just a few years (or less)?  The answer, I have learned, is that it doesn’t happen in one day.  The failure of marriage is a process that happens in a destructive cycle that begins in a very subtle way.  I have never heard of a person in a successful marriage waking up one morning and saying, “Today I will ruin my marriage and pursue divorce.”  It just does not happen in one day!  

These subtle attacks can come from so many different directions.  Not spending enough time together, course joking (joking about divorce), not communicating, pornography to name a few.  These subtle attacks seem so insignificant but as the cycle progresses the couple grows apart.  Then one day they realize their marriage is in shambles but they don’t know how they got there.  It is so sad but I see it so often. 

Remember marriage doesn’t fail in one day!  What is it that is attacking your marriage?  How can you eliminate those attacks?  If your answer is focused on how your spouse can change…you have just found your first problem.  What changes can YOU make to be a better husband/wife?  Don’t let the cycle continue…there is too much at stake!